Valentine: A Hopeful Romantic

A Hopeful Romantic.

(Written originally for Moodscope‘s Valentine’s Day Blog)

Does “Valentine’s Day” have anything to offer those of us who have suffered bad relationships? Or to those of us who are not in a relationship?


People are strange! They often choose strange, disempowering ways to describe themselves.  For example, they say, “I am a hopeless romantic!” What an effective way to doom one’s relationships to hopelessness!

I describe myself differently. I am a “hopeful romantic”! This is so regardless of whether or not I am in a relationship and whether or not I am in love! Like the Pre-Raphaelites, I focus on hope, on potential, and on beauty. I focus on what I may rather have than on what currently exists. This is how humans often grow, mature and blossom.

In fact, my favourite saying is, “Reality leaves so much to the imagination!” What is the imagination? It is the ability to project an image in the mind’s eye. It is the act of creation of an image in the mind. This is wonderful news because, with practice, you can choose what you create – just like an author of fiction.

On Valentine’s Day I choose to focus with the eye of my heart on:
what is good and beautiful;
what is edifying and encouraging;
what is kind and thoughtful;
what is loving and what I am passionate about.
On Valentine’s Day, I choose to live with passion.

After all, “All You Need Is Love” da da da-da da…because, “Love never fails.”

The Power of Speech: Your Slogan of Destiny


What Is Your Slogan?

Until we truly can talk to the animals and understand their languages, we assume that we are the only species on Earth that can articulate their ideas and consciousness in speech.

This is our power.

This is our pitfall.

Why? Because our power of speech programmes us – and does this from the earliest ages. If you want to know what your family slogans are, just listen to your children as they begin to learn to talk. You’ll hear them using your phrases!

Bang your finger with a hammer and you’ll find what words are at the top of your brain’s search engine!!!

Mohammed Ali believed in affirmations – that what he repeated often enough would come to be believed by others as well as himself. Whether he was right or wrong, he’s not alone in that belief. The Good Book is full of commentary on the power of speech.

“Death and Life are in the power of the tongue.”

So if you could choose life – choose a slogan for you that empowered you – what would it be? When you need to speak to the mountains of resistance in your life, what would your power-phrase be?

Brands know the power of this – hence brand slogans like,

“Just Do It!”

Propaganda knows the power of this –

“Keep Calm, and Carry On!”

If our subconscious mind is truly programmed by the words we speak out, let us choose those words carefully. Here are some really good slogans:
• All things work together for my good
• I can find positive meaning in everything and anything
• With a strong hand (My family Clan motto)
• My body is my temple
• Carpe Diem (Seize the Day or Seize the Moment)

“Carpe Diem” is a favourite as it comes from the idea of plucking. It could literally be translated as “pluck the day” – because the day is ripe. Well friends, for good or for bad, the day is ripe for plucking!

[btw, Latin phrases are invested with more power in our imaginations for some bizarre reason. In the scarey movies, the baddies chant in Latin, but so do the heroes too. See if you can find a Latin phrase that works for you. Check out your Clan or Family Motto – that’ll be in Latin. Speak it like a spell (a good one in a Narnia kind of way!)]

Let me conclude with this: you can change your personal history and destiny by changing your slogan. Try on a new slogan until it fits. This can be like a pair of shoes that are too gorgeous to resist. You buy them even though they don’t quite fit. You know that they are more likely to wear you in than you to wear them in… but somehow it works.

Sometimes we need to grow into a slogan – so pick (or pluck) a good one!

It’s Complex

It’s Complex

Human beings are rather complex!  Part of this is because they are driven by complexes – something called, “Complex Equivalences.”  Our nervous system’s connections is mirrored by our thoughts.  Thoughts link to thoughts in a web of associations.

It is these associations that drive our thoughts, feelings and behaviours… and they are not always accurate associations!  Neither are they based on empirical reality.

It all comes down to one question: what does this ‘mean’ for me?  Every sensory stimulus or internal thought triggers this question as the brain seeks to make sense of our patterns of electrical activity.

Often, this is very good news.  Take ‘Love’ for example.  If you associate love with a close friend making you a hand-made greetings card, you are going to feel loved when such a card arrives through the post.  The thoughtfulness behind such a beautiful and time-costly gift means ‘love’ to such a fortunate person.  This is a “Complex Equivalence” – where ‘A’ means ‘B’.

Catalyst for a Great Complex EquivalenceSometimes, it goes wrong, however.  If a tone of voice or a certain look or even a type of location triggers an unwanted reaction, you can be sure that a Complex Equivalence is at work.  Somewhere on the timeline of your personal history, your brain has jumped to the conclusion: ‘x’ means ‘y’.

This, again, is actually good news.  Why?  Well because ‘x’ rarely means ‘y’ all the time… not in the other real world of thoughts and emotions.

I love to present.  Let’s call this ‘x’.  For me the ‘x’ of presenting means the ‘y’ of pleasure.  For other people, exactly the same ‘x’ – presenting – means the ‘z’ of terror!  When working with these x=z types, I can often help them swap their own definition of ‘z’ for my definition of ‘y’.  They re-wire their associations (and actually their neural pathways) and a new world of opportunity opens up.

There are three easy ways to challenge an unhelpful “Complex Equivalence.”

•    If you know the unhelpful trigger – you can go back in time in your imagination and challenge the conclusions the younger you made.  For example, “When they talk to me in that tone of voice it means that they are cross with me.”  On reflection, a more accurate assessment might be, “When they talk to me in that tone of voice it means that they are concerned for my well-being but don’t know how to show this nicely.”
•    Scratch the record!  Those of us who remember Vinyl Records will also remember what happened when they got scratched… they never played the same way again.  Sometimes you can scratch the Complex Equivalence.  So, a couple having an argument can get angrier and angrier until one of them ‘scratches’ the groove they are stuck in by bursting out laughing or tickling the other one.  The other partner will be furious for a few moments (after all, they were in their groove and you’ve messed it up) but both parties will have found the song doesn’t play the same way.  Or, to mix metaphors, the spell is broken.
•    Decide on your own Complex Equivalences!  This is ultimate power.  You can decide that someone being rude to you means they are frightened of how intelligent, gorgeous and powerful you are!!!

Truth does matter… but we are often a long way from knowing enough about a situation to really discern the truth.  For now, then, it is better to stay resourceful by assuming the best and making up our own Complex Equivalences.

[Footnote: unhelpful superstitions and even wars have been caused by unchallenged Complex Equivalences… And the greatest acts of Faith, Hope and Love are driven by Complex Equivalences.  Thus, one of the greatest things you can do with the gift of consciousness is to challenge your Complex Equivalences to see if they serve your Highest Purpose or not.  Those that do not stand the scrutiny must be rewritten!  Go write some new history for yourself and for those you love!]

Moodscope and Motivation: Shall We Dance?

Whilst we undoubtedly speak of, “feeling depressed”, the vast majority of depressed people are “thinking depressed”.  As their thoughts dwell on each successive depressing consideration the thoughts join the feelings of depression in an ungainly dance that spirals downwards.

Moodscope can interrupt this dance and become a new partner with a different tune.

Thinking depression is a feature of consciousness – and consciousness is very much about where we choose to place our attention.  The Moodscope cards draw attention to where our consciousness might be sinking into the mire.  The rating system then gives a simple choice – a choice to decide how to lift the positive rating or reduce the negative rating.  Tracking this enables members to interrupt patterns on their dance card in advance – to preclude the “here we go again.”

This is where the community joins the dance – members giving positive input to other members through the daily blog.  This helps many of us make new or fresh choices leading to inspiration, motivation and increased resilience even in our darkest moments.