If you wish to be confident, confide!
Today’s message was inpired by the cover of a notebook I recently found. The inscription that inspired reads simply, “If you wish to be a writer, write!”
And what a gift to a writer! That one truth leads to all manner of helpful thoughts: “if you want to be an xer, x!” If you want to be a lovely person, love! If you want to be good friend, be friendly! I think there will be a good few blogs and poems coming out of that one!
The one that struck me with great force was the prevaling issue of “Confidence”. So many people need to build and express confidence in themselves and their abilities and self worth.
Could it be true then that if you want to be more confident, you need to confide in someone? Etymologically, I’m building on a firm foundation here – but will it work in the real world?
I believe a lack of confidence can come from doubts about oneself. These doubts can be based upon the opinions of key people throughout our development, comparing ourselves with the models supplied by the media, and the way we talk to ourselves internally. It may also stem from decisions we’ve made that have not worked out well.
I think we all need a confessor; a friend we can trust in; a friend we can tell the truth, the whole truth to. The root of “confide” is the Latin confidere which is “to trust in, rely firmly upon, believe.” (online etymology dictionary)
Everyone, and I do mean everyone who has consciousness, needs someone who knows everything about them and yet genuinely accepts them without criticism or judgment. Even better it is to find a friend who not only accepts but encourages.
A vital area a friend can support in is in the whole process of “coming out”. Fortunately we have many tolerant societies around the World where being anything other than heterosexual is now OK. Of course there are some orientations that are not OK and never will be, but the orientation of consenting adults should not be something we judge others about.
Some Christians have a real issue with this, which I understand but do not condone. Christian love is supposed to be so amazingly different to anything else that a word had to be dedicated for the use of this “God-kind-of-Love” – Agape. This, for many spiritual people, has the meaning of unconditional love. It is contrasted with Philia – which is used for friendly love – and Eros – which is a whole other ball game!
We all need a friend who will show us Agape – the spiritual, unconditional love, that seeks nothing in return.
That would be the FACTS of Life for me:
Friend + Agape + Confide + Trust = Success
I am very fortunate to have two friends like that – and I don’t thank them often enough… something to do today.
A Word or Two of Warning
I, personally, have confided in more than those two friends. With these two “saints” all is well, in fact our relationships are better for the “truth” shared between us.
I also shared with two other ‘friends’ over the years. In confiding in them, I received the opposite – rejection. (I’m not completely heterosexual!) The result was a loss of confidence. The relationships were lost too.
So, choose carefully in whom you confide. I can’t believe I made such mistakes in the past, but at least I found my two who are a rock to me. They, and only they, have built my confidence.
I would have to say to anyone reading this, I am worth you confiding in. Sometimes the comfort of relative strangers is a deep comfort – and I’m here for you.