= “You Are Not A Mindreader”!
Yesterday was a “fascinating” day. “Fascinating” – at least in the Mr Spock sense. Mr Spock used the only “F” word you’ll ever need everytime something was about to destroy the Enterprise… again. Kirk would be saying, “Phasers on ‘stun’… shoot to kill!” McCoy would be saying, “He’s dead Jim, I’m a Dr – not a miracle worker…” Scotty would be offering to fix it in record time… but Mr Spock? He’d just look the problem straight in the eye and pronounce his judgment: “Fascinating!”
What a great way to keep learning when life gets crappy.
Yesterday, someone withdrew more from their Emotional Bank Account with me than they had deposited. As a result our relationship is emotionally bankrupt. I could walk away. I want to walk away. I’d gone the extra mile… and was punished for my good works. That hurt. But you know what? It’s fascinating!
What is fascinating about it? Well, just saying, “Fascinating!” is a great way to start changing the paradigm.
With Spock’s emotional detachment, I can see that they had a very valid point. This doesn’t undo the fact that all my hard work and good intentions were nulified and discounted in a instant – but it does mean I can learn. I can preclude this happening again – which is a good thing.
It’ll also save me a whole bunch of time – ‘cos I won’t invest in going the extra mile again for this particular person – well, not until they’ve made some serious deposits in their Emotional Bank Account with me. If I didn’t learn that lesson, I’d be stupid.
Go the extra mile – but choose who you do it for, and the direction you’re going in very carefully.
As for “turn the other cheek” – I prefer Confucius. He says, “If someone hurts you once, shame on them; if they hurt you twice, shame on you.”
How fascinating is that?
So what’s all this YANAM about?
Well, you aren’t, are you? You are not a mindreader, which means that you need to clarify your communications – even with stupid questions. In NLP, they say, “the meaning of the communication is the response you get.” If you don’t like the response you’re getting, change the way you communicate. Ask questions. Test assumptions. Get agreement. Then you won’t have to be a mindreader anyway.